Does God Hate Divorce?

The topic God Hate Divorce? Unpacking Biblical Truths for Healing and Clarity

The topic of divorce is a sensitive and challenging one, often carrying immense hurt and an unnecessary spiritual burden within Christian communities. The sources provide a careful, informed look at what the Bible actually says—and does not say—about divorce, emphasizing that understanding the context is crucial to avoiding the lie that being divorced equals God’s displeasure.

The goal of this discussion is to approach the issue with humility and honesty, setting aside agendas to seek God’s truth, especially for those walking through an unwanted divorce. While affirming God’s ideal for marriage, the sources also acknowledge that there are destructive circumstances where divorce becomes a devastating reality.

Debunking the Phrase: “God Hates Divorce”

A central point of clarity is challenging the common, flat statement: “God hates divorce”. This phrase, often derived from a specific translation of Malachi 2:16, can be weaponized or received by the divorced person as “God hates me”.

The Context of Malachi 2:16

The phrase “God hates divorce” comes specifically from the King James Version of Malachi 2:16. However, modern translations and deep Hebrew scholarship suggest a different interpretation that shifts the subject of the hatred:

• Translation History: Analyzing the original Hebrew and consulting the Septuagint (the first Greek translation of the Hebrew Bible) clarifies areas of confusion.
• The Subject of Hatred: The grammatical structure suggests the phrase should be translated as “if hating you divorce” or “if you divorce out of hatred”.
• The Unfaithful Partner: Modern translations often identify the subject (“he”) who hates and deals treacherously not as God (Yahweh), but as the unfaithful partner who has broken the covenant relationship.
• Violence and Injustice: The passage states that the man who divorces his wife out of hatred “covers his garment with violence” or “injustice”. This refers to the man being cruel and unjust to his wife.

Therefore, the displeasure of God is not aimed at the victim of an unwanted divorce, but at the destructive and unjust actions of the partner who broke the covenant. God is described as brokenhearted because one of His image-bearers is left holding profound heartache, and the other has acted in a way unbecoming of the image they bear.

Jesus on Marriage: The Ideal and the Permit

In Matthew 19, Pharisees questioned Jesus about the grounds for divorce, attempting to trap him into choosing sides between the narrow Shammai school (adultery only) and the broad Hillel school (any indecency). Jesus’ response served as a theological master class.

The Ideal of Creation

Jesus pointed the Pharisees back to Genesis 1, emphasizing God’s original intent:

1. Image Bearers: God created humans male and female in His image (tselem) and likeness (demut), establishing that they are royal children of the King. Both men and women possess this dignity, worth, and honor.
2. The Complementary Relationship: The ideal is a complementary relationship where the man serves as a structure and the woman serves as the pillar of stability.
3. One Flesh: Jesus affirmed that marriage involves leaving father and mother to become “one flesh,” emphasizing the covenant relationship.

This ideal highlights that the covenant made in marriage is between the man and the woman, with God serving as the Judge and Witness.

The Permit from Moses

Jesus clarified that Moses “permitted” divorce due to the “hardness of your hearts,” but it was not God’s ideal from the beginning. Moses did not command divorce.

When Divorce is Necessary: Destructive vs. Difficult Marriage

The sources recognize a critical distinction, often taught by Leslie Vernick: the difference between a difficult marriage and a destructive marriage.

True Repentance and Repair

For a partner to remain in the marriage, there must be true repentance, not just being sorry they got caught. True repentance involves:

• Brokenness and Ownership: Exhibiting a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51) and taking full ownership of the sin without using the destructive word “but” (e.g., “I did this, but…”).
• Confession and Impact: Confessing the action and understanding the impact it had on the spouse, being willing to say, “Tell me more about that”.
• Repair: Recognizing that every rip in a relationship requires a repair.

Destructive behaviors that compromise the ideal and create chaos include alcoholism, pornography addiction, unfaithfulness (adultery), and physical abuse.

Valid Grounds Beyond Sexual Immorality

While Jesus stated that divorce is permissible “except for sexual immorality” (Matthew 19:9), scholars argue that the original hearers understood this statement within a broader Old Testament context that included other valid grounds.

Jesus was likely pulling from Exodus 21:10, which outlines three categories of provision a husband must not reduce for his wife:

1. Food.
2. Clothing.
3. Marital rights (intimacy, emotional presence, and safety).

If a husband failed to provide these necessities, the wife was permitted to leave “free of charge without any payment”. Thus, Jesus was understood to include exceptions for emotional, material, and physical neglect.