11 15 2025 MEN’S FELLOWSHIP

True spiritual maturity requires conquering offense, which is identified as a significant “sin and weight that so easily besets us”. Offense acts as a spiritual trap (scandalon). The path to freedom involves recognizing, confronting, and overcoming the justification of deep-seated hurt and anger.

This discussion emphasizes that while offenses are inevitable, staying offended is detrimental, hindering growth and fellowship.

1. Recognizing Offense: The Buried Bone and the Current Struggle

Offense is defined as being ensnared or imprisoned by hurt or anger.

The Reality of Hidden Offenses

Many individuals deal with “buried offenses” that are out of sight and out of mind until something suddenly triggers them. An offense can be buried for a very long time—even 15 years—and still remain potent.

When an offense is triggered, the intense feelings associated with the original hurt can resurface instantly. These buried offenses, like bones in the backyard, never actually went away; they were just forgotten.

The Contagion of Offense

Offenses often become contagious, leading people to “take each other’s offense”. For example, if a pastor is offended, a close associate might quickly become offended as well, demonstrating a bond that can be detrimental to spiritual maturity.

Offenses are Inevitable

It is important to acknowledge that offenses are inevitable in life. People will inevitably do things that take you off, come against your values, or injure you. While it is not necessarily wrong to be offended, it is wrong to stay offended.

2. The Justification of Offenses: Why We Hold On

We often justify holding onto an offense, believing we have the right to feel hurt or angry. This justification stems from four main human tendencies:

A. A Sense of Justice

Many feel that an injustice has been done to them and that they must personally fix or “write” that injustice. This includes feeling entitled to retaliation against the person who did them wrong. However, the Scripture commands believers to “leave that alone,” because God handles the vengeance and can deal with the hearts and situations involved.

B. The Need for Validation

Offense can occur when an individual feels disrespected or when someone approaches them in a way that fails to recognize their status or worth. This need for validation makes one feel entitled to say, “Don’t you know who I am?”. This demand for recognition (status, presence, or superiority) can justify taking offense.

C. Pride

Pride is characterized by a person whose sense of self-worth elevates them above anything that challenges it. Anything that comes against that sense of worth is considered beneath them. Pride makes a person feel justified in being angry when their ego or self-worth is challenged, such as an instance where one’s pride is hurt when someone curses them out.

D. Perceived Sense of Control

Offense can be justified by a need for control, fueled by the feeling that “nobody’s going to control me” or tell the individual what to do. This sense of control means the individual wants to maintain the ability to handle and control every situation and be right about it.

3. Overcoming Hurt: The Remedy of Forgiveness

The ultimate answer to hurt is forgiveness. Hurt stems from feeling violated, injured, or harmed spiritually, emotionally, or physically.

Forgive Without Counting

Jesus emphasized the necessity of continual forgiveness when Peter asked how often he should forgive a brother—up to seven times. Jesus’s answer, “seventy times seven,” was not meant to establish a maximum number (490). Instead, the point is that if you are holding onto the offense so strongly that you have to count how many times you have forgiven your brother, “you still got a problem” and are still offended.

Making Room for Faults

Because no one is perfect, everyone is on the “same playing field” and is equally guilty of making faults. Therefore, believers are instructed to be tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven us. This involves “making room for one another’s faults”.

The Challenge of Close Offenses

Offense is especially hurtful when it comes from someone close, such as a family member, best friend, or sibling. As one source noted, “Nobody can hurt me like you can hurt me”. The pain is compounded because of the intimacy and time spent together.