When, if ever, is it okay to approach your divorced spouse and ask for closure if you didn’t receive that? >> Well, I’ve already confessed here that, you know, I I would have loved to have had that conversation um where, you know, the one who hurt me, owned what they did, said they were sorry, sought out h in humility, repentance, and accountability and all those things we just talked about.
And I think sometimes what we’re trying to get at when we say the word closure is that epic conversation where something makes sense. >> Yeah. >> And again, I have so many gymnisms. I have a lot of Joelisms, too. But in a therapeutic sense, my mind is full of gemisms truly. And you taught me one time, Jim, that when we try to make sense of something that makes no sense, we’ll lose all sense.
>> Yeah. And my brain was stuck on a loop wanting that kind of closure. >> Very naturally in your brain. Very naturally for all of us. >> Yeah. And so when I said closure, I wanted it to make sense so I could pack it away, understand why it happened so that it would never happen to me again. And you know, when that’s the kind of closure that we’re looking for, I think it’s like we want to make peace.
We want it to make sense. We want to know where to put it in our brain. But the thing is, even if we had all of that information, why it happened and all of that stuff, we probably wouldn’t agree with those answers anyways. And so, I think when we say closure, we have to be really careful about making sure that the closure we seek is not dependent on the other person because you may be depending on them to make choices they’re unwilling or incapable of ever making.
Moving on, I would even posit forgiveness means the past your marital past will never be different. There’s a reality around that. Remember mental health and spiritual health really is a commitment to that reality. Never forget the last part at all costs. So the idea is can you embrace today and I think this is invigorating.
