Is Infidelity the Only Reason for Divorce?

The sources emphasize that understanding divorce through a biblical lens requires deep humility, honest investigation of scripture, and attention to historical context. While the core message is a belief in the sacredness and ideal of marriage, the conversation acknowledges the devastating heartbreak of divorce and aims to provide hope and truth for those experiencing it.

This expert summary explores Jesus’ teachings on divorce in Matthew 19, clarifying complex concepts like grounds for divorce, the protection of women in the ancient world, and combating the pervasive shame surrounding marital dissolution.

The Weight of the Conversation: Approaching Scripture Humbly

The discussion regarding divorce carries significant weight, especially when focusing on the red letters of Jesus in Matthew 19. For those engaging with this difficult topic, a foundational posture is recommended:

1. Open Bibles: Using scripture as the ultimate source of truth.
2. Honest Hearts: Approaching the text with honesty, recognizing that God can handle human honesty.
3. Setting Aside Preconceptions: Intentionally putting aside what one thinks they know about the Bible temporarily to deal honestly with the scriptures.

It is also crucial to seek wisdom from friends who “love Jesus more than they love you”. The content provided is based on the best available evidence and scholarship, presented with deep humility, not as a definitive “thus sayeth the Lord”.

Jesus Elevates the Ideal of Marriage (Matthew 19)

In Matthew 19, Pharisees approached Jesus to test him with the question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?”. Jesus, knowing their motives, responded with what is described as a master class in biblical theology.

Returning to Creation

Jesus’ initial response was a passive-aggressive jab: “Haven’t you read?”. He reminded the highly learned Pharisees of God’s original design in Genesis:

• “He who created them in the beginning made them male and female”.
• The original hearers would have understood this to mean that men and women are image bearers of God.
• “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no one separate”.

By starting with Genesis, Jesus elevates the ideal of marriage, emphasizing that two image bearers of God come together in a covenant relationship to honor the Lord.

Clarifying Moses’ Permit vs. Command

The Pharisees then questioned why Moses commanded them to give divorce papers and send a wife away. Jesus corrected their interpretation: “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts but it was not like that from the beginning”.

Jesus pointed out that Moses permitted divorce; he did not command it. This suggests that reconciliation should be pursued if possible and if there is repentance.

Jesus Widens the Grounds for Divorce

The Pharisees’ question was part of an ongoing debate around Deuteronomy 24:1 concerning the Hebrew phrase arvat dvar (“indecency”). Two main schools of thought existed:

1. Hillel School: Believed divorce could occur for any matter of indecency, even if a wife spoiled a dish.
2. Shammai School: Viewed divorce as viable only as a result of indecency displayed in adultery.

By asking the question, the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus into picking a side.

Redefining Adultery and Responsibility

In the ancient world, adultery was nearly always considered an offense only against the husband (the sexual unfaithfulness of a married woman). A man could have sex with an unmarried woman and commit fornication, but not technically adultery.

Jesus challenged this standard, raising the level of responsibility of the man. The implication of His reply was the widening of the context of adultery: if a man sleeps with someone other than his wife, it is now considered adultery.

Beyond Sexual Immorality (The Wider Context)

Jesus stated in Matthew 19:9: “whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery”. While this phrase appears restrictive, scholars argue that the original hearers would have instantly connected this specific “trigger word” (adultery) to a broader, well-known Old Testament context.

The ancient hearers would have recognized that Jesus also had in mind other categories of valid grounds. Jesus was intentionally pulling from Exodus 21:10 and Deuteronomy 24:1.

Exodus 21:10 outlines three categories of provision a husband must not reduce for his wife, all under the context of abandonment:

1. Food.
2. Clothing.
3. Marital rights (intimacy, emotional presence, and safety).

If the husband failed to provide these three things, the wife could leave “free of charge without any payment”. This passage was so well-known that it was quoted on marriage certificates found in archaeological digs.

Therefore, when Jesus spoke of “sexual immorality,” contemporary Jews would have mentally added exceptions for “valid grounds” or “indecency,” understanding that Jesus was not restricting divorce only to cases of adultery, but also including emotional, material, and physical neglect.

Jesus’ Protection of Women in the Ancient World

A critical takeaway from Jesus’ teaching is that Jesus elevates and loves women and wants to protect them. This protection is evident in the unique aspects of Israelite marriage law.

The Certificate of Divorce

Unlike surrounding nations (Canaanites, Hittites, Philistines), the certificate of divorce was unique to the people of Israel, established by God to create a safety net for women in situations of desperation and despair.

This certificate allowed a divorced woman to:

1. Remarry: It ensured that she was not committing adultery if she married a second time.
2. Survive Financially: It served as a safety net if she did not remarry.

The Dowry (The Fiscal Safety Net)

In ancient marriage, the woman’s family brought a dowry (called Kuba). This payment was not handed over to the husband but was held by him on behalf of the wife. It functioned as a financial safety net in case the husband died or a divorce took place.

Furthermore, marriage law explicitly banned the first husband from remarrying his divorced wife if she later became wealthy (for example, by marrying a second wealthy husband who died). This protection prevented the “knucklehead” first husband from returning solely for a fiscal opportunity.

These details demonstrate God’s intention to create a safety net to protect His daughters.