Grace to Change
This summary, drawing on the conversation between Todd White and Ben Fitzgerald, highlights the essential journey from hidden sin and religious performance to radical purity, uncompromising discipleship, and evangelistic authority. The core message emphasizes that spiritual freedom is achieved not through self-effort or prayer as a sedative, but through the painful, honest process of surrendering one’s entire will to the teaching and mission of Jesus Christ, our eternal High Priest.
1. The Priority of Biblical Literacy and Discipleship
True spiritual transformation begins with an unwavering commitment to the Word of God, positioning the believer as a humble disciple under their Rabbi, Jesus Christ.
A. The Word Must Read Us
Ben Fitzgerald highlights that God is not primarily looking for mere Bible reading, but for the Word to read us. The Bible must be allowed to check us, dividing the spirit from the soul, the joint from the marrow, and finding out if the inner self is truly Christian.
- Counsels the Heart: When a person is emotionally like a “train wreck,” the most effective action is to read the Word, as it counsels and immediately divides spiritual reality from emotional turmoil.
- Abiding in Teaching: Jesus stated that true disciples are those who “abide in me and if you abide in my word you’re my disciples indeed”. Discipleship, in the Hebrew context, means following what the Rabbi says, giving up one’s own opinions and submitting to His thinking and teaching.
B. The Guidance of Scripture
If a person stays under their Rabbi’s teaching, that teaching will come back out of them when they are persecuted, misunderstood, or facing anger. Proverbs 6 emphasizes binding the Word to the heart so that when you roam, it will lead you; when you sleep, it will keep you; and when you awake, it will speak to you. Getting close and intimate with the Word allows the Holy Spirit to speak the scriptures directly into one’s life.
2. The Ministry of the Eternal High Priest
Focusing on the ministry of Jesus Christ as the eternal High Priest and intercessor changes the way believers approach prayer and life.
- Intercessory Agreement: Fitzgerald practices asking God, “What are you praying Jesus right now? What are you asking the Father for right now?”. By hearing the specific phrases Jesus is interceding, the believer can agree with and loose that will on Earth, praying with greater faith and confidence.
- Priesthood and Kingship: Believers are headed toward an “eternal church service” where they function as priests and kings unto God, following the example of Jesus, their High Priest.
- Following the Eternal Being: The goal is to follow the ways of this eternal being, ensuring one’s heart and garment look like His. This includes coming under everything Jesus commanded and taught.
3. The Crisis of Hidden Sin and False Purity
The sources draw heavily on Fitzgerald’s personal testimony to illustrate the danger of keeping a reserved area of sin and the necessity of radical holiness, particularly for those in ministry.
A. The Seduction of Secrecy
Despite being saved, anointed, and engaged in active ministry (like healing the sick), Fitzgerald kept a “little thing”—a secret struggle with pornography—that he would revisit every few months or weeks.
- Blocking the Well: This reserved, secret dark thing blocked the well of God’s presence in his life, despite hearing excellent identity teaching.
- Excuses as Sedatives: He became a “genius at making excuses,” often asking people to pray for him, but finding that the prayer acted as a sedative, putting him to sleep spiritually rather than leading to actual change. This sedative effect resulted from continually saying “I’m sorry God” without shifting the prayer to “Change me God”.
- The Affect on Life: The pattern of sin profoundly affected his life, making it difficult to choose a girlfriend or wife, as his brain was accustomed to choosing from “50 images”.
B. The Confrontation and Necessary Correction
His path to freedom began when he was interviewed for a pastoral role at a church (Bethel), where the leaders asked about his purity. When he admitted to a continued “struggle” after 10 years of salvation, they refused to appoint him as a pastor, stating, “we will not be making you a pastor because we cannot trust you with women”.
- God’s Protection: This rejection was God’s mercy, as the leaders were thinking 10 years down the road, knowing that a “little fox” (hidden sin) could become a “great monster,” leading to catastrophic failure.
- Rejecting Excuses: Fitzgerald initially made excuses, claiming the leaders didn’t know his heart. However, the sources emphasize that saying “God knows my heart” is an excuse for continuing brokenness, often leading to spiritual disaster and influencing others negatively.
4. The Path to Deliverance: Honest Repentance and Willful Surrender
Total freedom requires confronting the truth about sin and making a radical, irreversible surrender of the will.
A. The Word and the Final Stand
The final turning point came after a moment of relapse when Jesus spoke the pure word of God to him: “Those who name the name of Christ must depart from iniquity”.
- No More Grace for the Pattern: Fitzgerald felt an internal shaking, realizing he had gone so far down the road of continuing the pattern of sin that it was hardening his conscience against Jesus. This was not legalism, but an invitation to holiness: “Do you want me or do you want this?”.
- Exposing Sin: He turned, confessed everything, and exposed all his sins, even small ones like looking at a girl in church for 30 seconds.
B. The Honest Prayer of Willful Surrender
The moment of deliverance occurred when Fitzgerald prayed without the “religious prayer” masks, finally confessing the painful truth: “God I want this”.
- Confessing Desire: He admitted that some part of him wanted the sin to remain an option for 10 years. The truth was, he didn’t hate the sin (as humans avoid what they hate), but he hated the desire for it: “I don’t want to want this”.
- Repenting for Hurting God: He shifted the focus of his repentance from his own shame to God’s heart: “Father I’m sorry for how I made you feel”. This realization that his sin hurt their relationship, not just himself, led to a spiritual breakthrough.
- Giving Away Rights: He fully surrendered his sexuality: “God you can have my sexuality, I’ll only take it back when I get married”. Giving away these options allowed God to put grace in him.
5. Grace as the Power to Change
Grace is redefined not merely as forgiveness, but as the power to change.
- Transformed Vision: After deliverance, his spiritual vision was transformed; he saw women in church as “precious daughters of God” and lustful kissing as “disgusting”. He no longer paid attention to sexual thoughts or dreams, considering them alien to his new identity.
- Holy Correction: Fitzgerald wishes that Christian mentors had been “harder and more clear” with him earlier, believing that the “correction of fathers” was one of the greatest gifts he received outside of the Trinity and the Bible. Shame leading to repentance (godly sorrow) is healthy, as it serves as “smelling salts” to wake a person up to God’s holiness.
- The Call to Freedom: Believers are called to walk into the “painful sword” of correction and honesty, which delivers them. The invitation is to give away rights to fear, addiction, manipulation, or abuse and allow God’s authority to divide the flesh from the spirit.