Feeling ANGRY, Anxious or Exhausted? Watch This.

Megan Fate Marshman, author of the book Relaxed, shares her investigative journey into understanding the concept of peace and the spiritual practice of being “relaxed,” even amidst personal tragedy and global upheaval. Inspired by Dallas Willard’s description of Jesus in one word as “relaxed,” Marshman explores how believers can emulate this state by walking with the one who is not worried about anything.

The book’s focus is particularly timely, as people grapple with personal issues, family struggles, and national or global tragedies, leading many to question if the end of the world is near.

Redefining Jesus: The Relaxed Messiah

When asked to describe Jesus in one word, philosopher Dallas Willard chose “relaxed,” a response that deeply shocked Marshman, who typically associated Jesus with words like “love” or “compassion”. This description prompted her investigation, recognizing that Jesus was driven to save the entire world and even expressed anger, yet was characterized by relaxation.

The goal of a Christian’s life is to become more like Christ, allowing people to meet Him through them. Marshman found that Jesus’s relaxation stemmed from knowing where to go in order to grow in trust of the Lord.

Examples of Jesus’s Relaxed Approach:

• Retreating vs. Going Big: In moments when people expected Jesus to “go big” or give a mass speech, He often retreated instead.
• Sleeping in the Storm: When the disciples were in a boat during a storm, panicking that they would die, Jesus was asleep, asking, “Oh, you of little faith”.
• Ignoring Expectations: Jesus often did the exact opposite of what people expected, stating, “My time has not yet come,” because His goal was to trust in the Lord with all His heart, not to meet human expectations.

Honesty: The Starting Point for Trust and Change

Marshman emphasizes that the journey to living a “relaxed” life begins with honesty. Trusting the Lord starts by being honest with Him about where one is truly at.

A key takeaway that Marshman does not want listeners to miss is that prayer is not a place to be good; it’s a place to be honest.

Addressing the Root: The Heart

Marshman draws on Proverbs, which states, “Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. This means that if a person wants to change their life, they must address the heart, not just the head.

If someone is struggling with anxiety, behavioral patterns, or failing to follow through on their intentions (such as committing to quiet time), the root of the behavior is in the heart. Life doesn’t change by trying to change; it changes by going to the heart.

Marshman encourages radical honesty with God, even if the truth is uncomfortable:

• “God, I believe you can do anything, and I do not believe in this moment that you’re going to do anything about this thing.”
• “I’m so mad.”
• “I’ve committed to spending quiet time with you so many times… and I’ve given up on being good at this whole Christian morning quiet time thing.”

God will not meet an individual where they are not. He meets people right where they are at. If someone feels far from God or even honestly doesn’t care, they are encouraged to tell Him so that the heart can open up, making actual life change possible.

Taking Anger and Grief to God

Jesus provided the model for dealing with difficult emotions, knowing where to take things like anger, sadness, and grief—even the agony He experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Culture often teaches people to suppress emotions, particularly anger, leading individuals to believe they must simply “stop getting angry”. However, Jesus didn’t say, “Don’t get angry”; He commanded, “Be angry and don’t sin“.

When faced with anxiety or anger, people often trust in their own ability to stop the feeling (e.g., reading a self-help book) rather than trusting the Lord. Jesus entrusted Himself to the one who would use it all for good. The goal is to learn how to grieve well, as Jesus did, and understand what to do with anger.

Avoiding Autonomy: Spiritual Rhythms and the Power of the Wandering Mind

Marshman warns against the mistake of trying to live autonomously, apart from God. This often stems from a “performance mindset,” where people feel the burden of trying harder to meet God’s expectations (i.e., being a “good boy or a good girl”).

The Gospel is not “try harder and then find salvation”; it is “salvation and then you try harder”. Effort is necessary, but all intention, willpower, and effort must be taken to God and not to oneself.

Practical Strategy: The Coffee Trigger

To combat autonomous effort, Marshman developed a practical spiritual rhythm: combining prayer with a daily, non-negotiable habit—making coffee. Pushing the coffee maker button serves as a new trigger to immediately take the day and its temptations to God.

The Gift of a Wandering Mind

Marshman redefines the experience of having one’s mind wander during prayer. The temptation is to shame oneself back into the performance of prayer, thinking God did not notice the lapse.

However, a wandering mind is described as a gift. Jesus taught, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be”. Where the mind wanders (finances, a stressful marriage, a wayward child) is likely what has the “treasure,” or priority, in the heart. Instead of pausing the prayer, Marshman encourages believers to let the mind wander and incorporate those worries and treasures into the conversation with God.

Anxiety as a Doorway, Not a Wall

Marshman encourages a shift in perspective regarding anxiety: Anxiety is not a sin, but a signal. It should be viewed as a doorway, not a wall.

• Doorway: Anxiety is something that can be opened to the one (God) who understands where it’s coming from. The Holy Spirit actively searches the human heart and wants to use everything in it, including anxiety.
• Wall: Viewing anxiety as a wall causes people to simply ask God to pray it away.

Instead of only asking God to remove the anxiety, believers should ask Him to open it up and teach us. Anxiety is a signal that communicates, “you can’t do this on your own”. The greatest news is that we don’t have to.

Like seeing a symptom that prompts an appointment with the Great Physician, anxiety can signal the places that are hurting (finances, health, or a wayward child). If anxiety signals a lack of trust in God’s plans, the encouragement is to tell Him. God will meet people right in their lack of faith, not at some “pretend more spiritual version”.