Don’t Settle For Less

• when i was in my 20s i dated a guy i’m not going to tell y’all his real name i’m going to call him ab like david’s son absalom who is really into his hair because this guy was really fastidious about his hair too and i don’t want y’all to know his real name anyway we didn’t really date i used that term a little loosely we plated played it as a hybrid of platonic dating that means you hang out a ton together and every blue moon he pays for a cheap restaurant but you never kiss so it’s very unfulfilling well anyway i was i
• was with abe for like a year not really sure you know if we were really dating if it was romantic or not we hadn’t had the dtr you know to define the relationship but then that valentine’s day he invited me out to a super expensive restaurant for dinner and i thought oh man the ship is turning because i mean unless you’re a total no guy asks a girl out for a really nice valentine’s dinner unless they have feelings for so i was like this is amazing so i spent a whole lot of time getting ready for that dinner
• you know i double spanxed i did the best with everything i got we get to this restaurant even though i’d known him really well for a year we hung out all the time together you know both of us it was like we’re 13 years old you know his neck was splotchy i was kind of nervous we had this wonderful meal and then when the waiter cleared our entree plates and took our dessert order abe motioned for the maitre d to come over and the maitre d came over to our table and he had this huge box and it was just exquisitely wrapped and
• i recognized the sticker on top of the box as the most expensive ladies dress store in nashville tennessee where i’m from and i was like oh my goodness and i can’t believe he would go to this much trouble and i thought oh lisa don’t get excited he’s probably just you know re-gifting a box from his mom or something but i open the box and sure enough the tissue paper is intact and there’s a seal on the tissue paper and i by then had already fumbled all over myself told him that i was so sorry i hadn’t brought him a gift not even a card because again