Work of the Word (A testimony of God’s grace)

The following is a detailed summary of the personal testimony shared, recounting a man’s journey from self-centeredness and addiction to finding eternal hope and ministry through the Word of God.

Early Life, First Marriage, and Egotism

The speaker, Nathan (implied name), described himself as a person driven by loneliness and a deep fear of being rejected or alone. At age 30, he sought marriage to fill a “little hole” in his heart. He met his future wife at UVic, but despite arguing frequently, he clung to the relationship out of anxiety over losing the person who was helping him “not feel lonely”.

The engagement was based on deceit; he presented a ring as a promise ring while knowing she viewed it as an engagement ring. He felt trapped, concluding: “Well, this is it. This is the person I’m going to be married to and I’m going to be happy, darn it”.

Although he loved parenting and found a good sense of purpose in raising his two young sons, the tension in the marriage escalated daily. The speaker admits he was by nature an egomaniac and a self-centered guy, despite having a reputation as a friendly leader in the community; this public persona was “all just an image”. Due to his traumatic experience of witnessing three divorces by age 15, he vowed never to let divorce happen to his own children.

Descent into Loss, Addiction, and Ungodliness

The marriage failed, and when his wife suggested he move out, he initially resisted, seeing it as “quitting”. After the separation, he tried to maintain normalcy for his boys during visits (camping, roasting marshmallows), but he began drinking heavily, often consuming a 40 oz. of whiskey after dropping them off.

The relationship officially ended when he discovered his wife was seeing another man. Simultaneously, his father’s cancer had metastasized. His father was “crushed” by the news of the separation, facing death while witnessing his son repeat the family pattern of failure.

Seeking to mitigate his pain, he entered a new relationship with a woman who was “very attractive” and checked every box he could create (politics, education, etc.). However, he soon discovered her aggressive attitude toward people—which was “extreme hatred dressed up as kindness or even love”—and her deep involvement in witchcraft, which was hidden and insidious. He found himself drawn and attracted to her, especially because she put him on a pedestal and called him a “good man,” which he desperately needed to hear while struggling with his actions.

He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder and began taking prescription pills. The new girlfriend became furious if he had a life outside of her, demanding he engage in activities harmful to his ex-wife. When he won custody of his children, the court required a neutral third party present for access. His girlfriend was infuriated by this arrangement, openly cursing his children with cancer to his face. Out of anxiety and fear of loss, he chose to prioritize the girlfriend over time with his boys.

The prescribed sedatives were insufficient to numb the pain, so he began taking two or three extra, then six. This escalated to oxycodone pills, which he mixed with sedatives and whiskey, feeling simultaneously “excited” and utterly “ashamed”. He felt humiliated, believing he had “no character” and “no manlyhood to say no”.

The result was the loss of his job due to being “not right in the head”. At his lowest point, he voluntarily went before the Supreme Court judge and laid down access to his boys. He described this as abandonment.

Near Death and Divine Intervention

Consumed by suffering, he repeatedly contemplated suicide at a river behind his house, choosing a spot with “jagged rocks at the bottom”. His resolve was increasing until the Lord brought the face of his sons to mind. This memory was his last lifeline after his ex-wife changed the boys’ names, causing him to feel he had lost his namesake.

To escape, he took a job cutting fence posts in the interior of British Columbia, hoping to find more drugs and alcohol. While working the night shift to stay awake, he turned on a little boom box and found a weak signal broadcasting Bible preaching. He heard two speakers, but when the third speaker came on—John MacArthur on Grace to You—everything changed.

MacArthur was delivering a study called Delivered by God. The speaker was captivated by MacArthur’s confidence and method: he would read a short passage of the Bible, pull one word, and explain its singular meaning, insisting, “This is what the Bible means by what it says,” and then, “This is why it matters to you”.

Cahn realized that everything he had been taught previously was an “empty message”. When MacArthur preached on Ephesians 5 about love (God defines love as what you give, not what you get), the words targeted his lifestyle: daily focused on “getting stoned, drunk, or having sex, and ignoring my responsibilities to my boys”.

The message of atonement—that God, as a holy judge, demands a penalty for sin, but Christ paid that penalty—was new and inescapable. He realized his forty years of accumulated sin required an eternal payment that only Jesus Christ could provide. As soon as he prayed, “Please forgive me, God. I trust that Jesus is able to save me,” he physically felt weight lifting off of me. He immediately quit all drugs and alcohol, realizing, “Nathan, you don’t need that anymore”.

Restoration, Ministry, and Living Hope

Transformed by “the fact of living hope” and a moral compass directed towards Christlikeness, he left his girlfriend and sought reconciliation. An old friend helped fund his ferry trip. His ex-wife agreed to let him see the boys again, recognizing he was a “good dad” and the boys needed him. Within three months, he had 50/50 shared custody and guardianship.

He resumed his career as a speech language pathologist. He started dating a woman named Christina, with whom he shared his conversion story and listened to John MacArthur’s sermons on a beach. They were married a year later.

Feeling called to ministry, Cahn decided to attend seminary only if it was a place he could trust. Through a pastor who knew MacArthur, Cahn met Pastor John, who was astonished by his testimony (“you went from living with a woman in witchcraft to want to go to seminary?”). Cahn was accepted to The Master’s Seminary (TMS).

To obtain the F1 student visa, they needed $40,000. Through church donations, selling all possessions, and unique fundraising (including recycling a “boatload of cans” during the COVID lockdown), they were still short until Cahn received the Richard Mayhue honors scholarship, which paid full tuition.

After completing three years at Grace Community Church and TMS, he was installed as an ordained pastor. Cahn and Christina planted Living Hope Bible Church on Vancouver Island. He summarizes his mission as teaching people “what God says for their lives” and shepherding them to Christ.

He credits his life’s pain, including the time he stood at the cliff, as necessary for his salvation: “I just thank God that he brought me to the edge of death to bring me to eternal life”.