Body Language Expert: This Is Why People Don’t Take You Seriously 

This summary, optimized for Google SEO standards in English, details the critical insights shared by behavioral investigator and author Vanessa Van Edwards on overcoming awkwardness, building magnetic presence, and leveraging nonverbal cues to maximize leadership effectiveness and trustworthiness. Drawing on her personal journey from “recovering awkward person” to a highly sought-after expert, Van Edwards explains that genuine charisma is a learnable skill rooted in making others feel at ease.

I. The Awkwardness Barrier: Why Great Ideas Get Overlooked

Van Edwards, a self-proclaimed “recovering awkward person,” initially underestimated the power of conversation and people skills, believing that intelligence and hard work alone would suffice. She shared a pivotal career experience where, despite pitching a television show that was accepted by a major studio, she failed to secure the deal after an in-person meeting with executives.

During the meeting, her extreme nervousness manifested as awkward small talk (e.g., asking about the weather) and an inability to be witty, charming, or likable. The executives ultimately told her: “We just don’t feel you have the presence to carry a show”.

This experience was a profound realization: it’s not just about great ideas, but about the presence with which those ideas are delivered. Many incredibly smart and talented leaders face the same problem: they have earned their position but struggle to gain likability and credibility, often feeling that people hold back from them or don’t take their ideas seriously.

II. The Core of Presence: Shifting to a “You-Centered Mindset”

Van Edwards’ initial step after the rejection was asking, “What is presence?”. She discovered that the biggest mistake she had been making was believing that presence was about impressing people—being funny, telling great stories, or being extroverted.

The truth is that Presence is about making others feel at ease. This skill, which requires shifting one’s focus outward, takes all the pressure off personal awkwardness because it is focused on being of service to others.

As Craig Groeschel notes, people will actually like the leader more if the leader is “you focused,” valuing the other person, and asking questions that get them talking about what is important to them.

III. Activating Charisma: The Magic Phrases and Signals of Liking

To intentionally make others feel at ease, Van Edwards developed specific, researched techniques, which she calls “magic phrases” and signals of like.

1. The Magic Phrase: “I Was Just Thinking About You”

This simple phrase is powerful because it addresses the underlying human fear: the worry that “we don’t belong”.

• The Message: Using this phrase (or a variation, especially when it’s positive and authentic) tells the other person two things: “You’re in my mind” (I care about you enough to think about you) and “You belong here” (I want you here).
• The Authenticity Factor: The phrase works best when it is authentic, sharing positive thoughts about a project or success you genuinely liked.

2. Signal Amplification and Positive Labels

Van Edwards discovered the concept of signal amplification bias: humans are often not obvious with their signals of liking, and others may miss or misread them. It can take 10 to 15 signals of liking for someone to truly feel liked and at ease.

Charismatic people actively broadcast these signals:

• Broadcasting Liking: They ensure they send 10 to 15 clear signals of, “I like you, you belong here,” especially in the first 10 minutes.
• Positive Labels (Priming Effect): They use positive labels (e.g., “You are the spreadsheet king,” “You are the email queen”). Research shows that if you call someone a winner, you activate their prefrontal cortex to literally begin to behave and think like a winner. Charismatic people make people better by gifting them a positive label that helps raise their expectations.

IV. The Nuance of Communication: Introverts, Extroverts, and Awe

Van Edwards stresses that leaders must adapt their approach based on whether they are interacting with an introvert or an extrovert.

The Introvert/Ambivert Challenge

Extroverts generally love being complimented and receiving attention. Introverts and ambiverts (people who fall in between) also want compliments but can be made “terribly uncomfortable” when put on the spot.

• The Mistake: Following a compliment with a direct, personal question (e.g., “You were so good at soccer, didn’t you play in high school?”) can make an introvert nervous, causing them to lean back or show fear.
• The Correction: If nervousness is triggered, the leader must quickly “take the ball back” by sharing a short, awe-worthy story that is about a third party, not the introverted person. This gives the nervous person a minute to feel at ease again.

The Power of Awe

Better than impressing someone, humans love being awestruck.

• The Litmus Test: Van Edwards uses the litmus test: “Is this gonna make someone go ‘ah?'”.
• Memorability: Moments of laughter or awe are the “stickiest” things in presentations and conversations, making the speaker more memorable.